We are affected by our environment and experiences. While that may be obvious, I find many of us forget we are also impacted by how we process or thoughts and emotions that come from our environment and experiences. An un-healthy approach can cause long-lasting damage to your emotional, mental, and physical health. While all the below are understandable if they go unchecked, they can be dangerous.
Suppressing
When you hear unwelcome news or are experiencing a tough situation would you answer yes to any of the following?
I will think about it later.
I will stay in the moment of what I am doing right now.
I love for the moment.
That is tomorrow’s problem.
If you answer yes to one or more of the above, you may tend to suppress your thought process or emotions when faced with adversity. While it may be good to wait until you are in a safe space to work through a tough situation, do not wait too long. Continuing to suppress can cause feelings to bottle up and then explode later. Suppressed emotions do not come out at a convenient time. Going unchecked they can result in creating an unpleasant situation of their own.
Make the time. Even if you need to schedule the time or put it on the calendar. Give yourself adequate time to think through the situation. Allow yourself the grace to fully feel your emotions on the topic. If you are a social person, it may help talking to a person close to you. If you are a private person, it may help to journal your thoughts.
Reacting
When things do not go as expected and you are thrust into a bad position would you answer yes to any of the following?
I yell and scream.
I have hit things.
I have said things I do not mean.
If you answer yes to one of more of the above, you may tend to react rather than respond when faced with adversity. While wanting to do these things may be natural it is not acceptable to act on those types of feelings. Again, this is an approach that can create a tough situation on its own. Reacting to a tough situation can compound in the moment taking bad to awful or worse.
While you are doing well at confronting the issue head one, it is better to take a beat. Taking even a few seconds to let the emotion pass through and let your higher functioning brain kick in can be paramount to coming through this bad position in a positive way. Try counting to ten. Try taking five deep breaths in an out. And once you have reached a calmer state then consider what you want the outcome of this situation to be. Then, respond.
Denying
When you hear unwelcome news or are experiencing a tough situation would you answer yes to any of the following?
This is not a problem.
This did not actually happen.
I am fine.
Sometimes I create an alternate truth.
This approach is a close relative to suppressing. However, this can be harder to work through because you must get your mind to the point of accepting the reality of the situation. Denial can cause the feelings to live under the surface and then come out at unplanned times. The unwanted burst of emotion can make turn a non-issue into an unnecessary problem.
To start the acceptance process, it may help to explain the situation aloud. Even if you are alone it can help to say the words and hear it back. Time can be a key factor here. Allowing yourself time to mentally process is important. Again, give yourself grace to feel each of your emotions without judgement. Listening to music can help you connect to feelings and wording that expresses your experience in ways you may not have considered. Hearing a musician express their struggle can also remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.
Harboring
When something expected occurs and you are thrust into a bad position would you answer yes to any of the following?
I never forget.
I see how you are.
I do not trust.
I do not forgive easily.
Holding on to negative feelings can cause stress. This type of stress can lead to larger problems like weight gain, substance abuse, and even mental health issues like depression and anxiety. People who hold grudges often end up isolated missing experiences with others.
It is well to learn from our experiences. If you are part of an unhealthy relationship, it may be time to exit, but do not carry the negative feelings with you. When you exit leave the emotions that came from that relationship behind as well. Move forward with hope for your future and what is next. This is easy to say but it is incredibly hard. It may take years to work through all of these feelings. Even harder is offering forgiveness. You do not need to tell someone you forgive them. This can be a conversation with yourself. While it is hard, there is a sense of freedom that comes from the release of emotion that forgiveness offers.
Wallowing
When you hear unwelcome news or are experiencing a tough situation would you answer yes to any of the following?
I want to stay in bed.
I will just lay and binge a tv show.
I eat even when I am not hungry.
Sitting in your feelings for an extended period can be dangerous. It is important to develop skills that allow you to move through these feelings with acceptance and grace, so you do not get stuck. This can lead to larger problems like weight gain, substance abuse, and even mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
Set a time limit on working through your feelings. At the end of the time limit get up and do something kind or productive for yourself. This can range from cleaning the kitchen to brushing your teeth. It will help to get up if you know when you will come back to visit your feelings. The key here is to make it timebound and coupling it with a task that is good for your wellbeing.
Deciding what you want to take away from a situation will help guide you on how to move through your thought process and your emotions. There is no timeline for any of these approaches. We all move at our own pace and should support one another in these tough times. It is also good to remember working through tough situations is not linear. When a situation is extremely hard or complicated, you may have to work through it mentally and emotionally more than once.
The space above us, the air around us, and the ground beneath us are all parts of what is within us. Taking the time to put the outside influences into balance will improve overall health.
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